I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
