My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My penis needs a shock collar
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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