Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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