So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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