Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
