I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
