Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
