I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
