I'm jealous of your bromance
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
