dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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