Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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