Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
