We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
