Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
