now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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