My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
