The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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