his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
