You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
