i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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