don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
