Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
