Ketchup is God's man juice
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
