So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
