my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
