he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
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