Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
