I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
