Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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