I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
