I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
