Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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