I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
