can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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