All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
