I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
