She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
