Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
