can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
God, I missed his penis.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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