I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
