apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
