I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
