Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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