she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
