What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
