I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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