oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
