i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
