Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
