Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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